28 September 2016

She Tries

Maybe this will be a short post maybe it will end up being a long one, I'm not sure haha.  I have no plan for this post other than to hopefully express something that's been on my mind and in my heart so much lately.  The other day my sweet sister Courtney posted a picture on her Instagram of 4 of her beautiful children playing at a kitchen table.  She is getting prepared to move her family from Japan back to United States.  She's not new to the process at all, as her husband is an Air Force pilot.  In getting prepared to move they move their furniture a month before they move themselves, so in the meantime they are given loaner furniture.  The picture she posted had her kids playing a game together at this new loaner table.  What she wrote on the picture left me in absolute tears. Not even going to try and sugar coat it and say "tear up".  Folks...I was a hot, sobbing mess.

"The other day, our things were packed away and loaner furniture was brought it.  I was sitting there in this strange new house feeling a bit sad and unhappy about having to go through so much change all the time when my kids ran though the door from school.  They took one look around the house that was making me so sad and yelled as they ran through the rooms, 'This is the best day ever!  Look at our new house!  Look at my new room!' My kids teach me a lot, but perhaps the best thing they teach me is how to be happy no matter what."

Lately I've really been trying to tune into my babes.  Especially my Reese.  She is so strong-willed and knows exactly what she wants.  But she is also a sweet, sensitive lil' thing.  I feel like I identify with her so much.  Which if any of y'all have kids that you see similarities in your behavior and their behavior it can be the most tender thing and also make you a little nervy aka nervous.  Lol.  Thoughts like oooohh dear, I don't want her to have this part of my personality!  Spare her please!  Please tell me I'm not the only one who thinks this way from time to time? 

You worry about what you're doing right and what you're doing wrong.  You want your babes to have the world at their finger tips, but you don't want to spoil them.  You want to teach them their ABCs and 123s so they are ready for that first day of school that's forever away but not really because time flies ya know.  But you mostly want them to embrace childhood.  Jump in puddles, get messy, build forts, play pretend, chase them over and over again, watch movies, slurp up a melting ice cream cone.  You don't want to come down too hard on them or criticize.  But you want to teach them things don't always go the way they want them to.  You want them to be resilient. For them to be polite and pleasant.  To get along with others.  You worry you're keeping them from certain experiences.  You worry you're depriving them of fun.  But you want them to live simply and learn to find joy in the little things.

But then I read..."Perhaps the best thing [my kids] teach me is how to be happy no matter what."  If you take a step back and look at the big picture, your babies just want you.  They want your love and your happiness.  They are easy to please y'all.  They forgive quickly, love easily, and have the biggest imaginations.  They don't need things or lesson plans, they need time.  It's hard to remember that sometimes because it's so important to refuel yourself and have you time.  But it's a balancing act.  One I don't know if I'll ever figure out, but I'm so okay with that!  I'm okay with messy.  I'm okay with taking things day by day.  I'm feel like I'm being molded closer and closer to the kind of mother I want to be.  That mother isn't perfect nor will she ever be.  But she tries.

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