Guilty as Charged: Oh yeah folks. Don't be decieved by that little face. No siree, don't let her get ya. Spittin' all her food out. Clingin' to me like crazy. Climbin' up stuff and nailin' her head on all sorts of furniture. Naps were at the bottom of her to-do list today and at the top of mine. She was bein' a bit of a punk today. But I guess I would know...I was bein' a punk too. Dang it.
Today, I was a brat. Have you ever had one of those days? Everything is taken the wrong way, you lash out, and maybe say something you know you'll regret? Well I really hate to say it, but yesterday was that day for me. Like...I really hate to say it. After "the incident" (I'll tell in a second), I was so embarrassed, I cried. Sweet merciful, PMS anyone? So here goes...my embarrassing "incident".
As my sister-in-law in would say, yesterday I was at a rapid boil. I was running around trying to get errands done, and Reese was doing actually really great, but when we got to the mall (our first stop), I pulled out the stroller and sure enough it would not open. I don't have to tell you how much that sucked. My 25 lb babe can do the talking for that one. By the time we finished in the mall, my left arm was so sore I thought it was going to fall off. #butforreal. And I wasn't even halfway done with the errands I needed to do. Oh...and I had sweaty tacos. Sweet.
The time came to go pick up Buns from work, so off we went. Todd got off early, and I was stoked about it. As I pulled up to pick him up, I got in the back because Reese was freaking out. 5 minutes go by, no Buns. Reese spits binky out repeatedly in between screams. 15 minutes go by, no Buns. Reese is red as a tomato from all the crying. A half hour later, and I'm ready to ditch Todd to fend for himself. Love that man, but not so much when he's 30 minutes later than when he said, and Reese is having a meltdown because I'm a horrible mom and skipped out on her afternoon nap.
Right as I'm ready to leave, Todd opens the door to the car and gets in. As soon as he got in, I was just glad he was finally there, and my rapid boil was at a simmer. And then the incident began...
Right as Todd got in the car, I got a text from a tenant of the complex I manage asking where I was? I was supposed to check out a tenant that day but had called and texted them earlier letting them know I was taking a 4-day weekend for Labor Day per my boss. He was taking off Friday and told me that I could too. Well, obviously this tenant didn't get the message. I told him I was sorry but that I would be unable to meet for check out, so just to leave the keys to the apartment in the dropbox.
And then he got upset. He wanted to be there with me when I checked them out and was mad that I didn't contact him personally. I had called his wife and asked that she relay the message because I didn't have his number. He didn't want to be held responsible for any unnecessary charges I might add.
Cue my composure flying right out the window. Who the haaaaaail did this guy think he was? And y'all...I lost it. My walls went up, and I was ready to throw down. Am I allowed to attribute 75% of that behavior on PMS? Please tell me I'm not the only one??
To make a long story short, I was extremely rude and ended up agreeing to meet them at "my inconvenience". WHO AM I? Freaking Gregg Popovich, that's who.
So there I was walking through their apartment with the wife and being a total....well, another word for bum+hat. Sorry, but that's the perfect description. (Geeeez I'm kind of regretting writing this now, but admitting it is the first step to recovery right? Haha...insert nervous laugh here)
And that's that. We finished, they passed, she gave me the key, and it was done.
I walked home to Todd, came in the door, and you know that really grimy, heavy, horrible feeling you get after you know you said or did something you'd regret? As I walked into our house, I swear it was like someone dumped the green slime from that old school Nickelodeon game show "Figure It Out" right on me as I walked through our front door (click here). I finally came down off of that entitled ledge I was sitting on and realized just how incredibly rude and ridiculous I had been. Ohhhh the wave of embarrassment. Ohhhh the guilt. And there was Reese sittin' on her romp, smilin' all big and beautiful and innocent at me. Cue second bucket of slime. I felt like in a weird way that I had let Reese down. That I was a bad example and a bad mom. Is that the kind of example I wanted to set for Reese? Is that how I wanted her to learn to react when people do things that tick you off? Do I want her to get up on that ledge of entitlement, thinking that because she was wronged it gives her the right to be mean and rude? Yeah...I really nailed that one. Thumbs up momma.
You know what? I failed. I failed pretty epicly. I lost it. I let my anger take over and really acted in a selfish way. I've been thinking about what happened ever since yesterday. It really bothered me. I tried to think through the exact moment that I turned into a witch and why, and I came to the conclusion that the moment I felt the finger was being pointed at me, that's when this switch went off. It was like I turned off my brain and totally let my heart and emotions do the thinking. That can be bad mojo y'all! If I would've let my brain do the thinking, I would've thought through the possible outcomes of behaving rashly and rudely. I would've thought to myself, "You know what, they obviously didn't get the message in time, and if I were them I would want to be there during check out because money can be tight, and they probably want to make sure that if anything wasn't cleaned properly, they can fix it before the deposit refunds are sent back out. They probably wanted to spend time together on a Friday night too and were bothered that they came all the way out to do check out, and I wasn't there. You know...they're only human too Ashton, and maybe it was a rough day for them, and that was just one more thing that went wrong, pushing them over the edge. Maybe they just needed to be given a break. Just like you."
Bottom line...you just never know what people are going through. Bottom line, everyone deserves a little more benefit of the doubt. And even if they don't deserve it...who cares? Be the better person. Take the higher ground. Be kind and understanding and a little less judgmental. Be slow to anger and quick to forgive and understand. Be a friend. Be a true friend.
Maybe you have something you regret saying or doing. Maybe you acted a little rashly or rudely. Well, as you now know, you're not the only one! But you're human like the rest of us, and all it takes is an apology. And that can be hard. That can be really hard. But I promise it's worth it. Not because they'll necessarily forgive you right away, but because it's good for your soul. Forgiveness, whether being offered or received, is freeing and beautiful. So, cheers to forgiveness and cheers to being able to try, try, and try again. Cheers to imperfections. Cheers to sometimes losing it. But most importantly, cheers to change and trying to be a little better each day.
Have a beautiful weekend y'all.
❤, Ashton Tilton
P.S. Thanks for the support y'all give me. Your comments and emails always mean the world to me. You remind me that I'm not the only one who sucks at life sometimes, haha. So thanks, youda best!