My heart is full today. Today, my blog takes a turn in the direction I want it to go. I want this place to be a place where I share the joys and downfalls of my day to day. The good, the bad, and the ugly. I place where I share what's on my mind and in my heart. A place where I share my passions and what makes me happy. But where I also share the tough stuff. I figure that maybe as I share those things, others will recognize that they're not the only ones going through tough stuff. Building a community. Sharing the stories of all kinds of women. A place where we are real and honest. Because sometimes honesty is hard to come by. But here I am today, introducing one of my first guest writers who proves to me that we are not the only ones who struggle as mamas. That no one's perfect...and that's okay.
Brittany York is a fellow southern lady from the land of Louisiana. She is a beautiful wife to her hubby and a mama bear to her beautiful boys Knox and Madden. She is a fashion guru and shares her love for fashion with the gramming world through her photos of life in Louisiana with her two wild and stylish boys. The greatest thing about this mama is that she is just as radiant on the inside as she is on the outside. This one's got a heart of gold, and today she shares a piece of it. She knows that life is not always as picture perfect as we see it portrayed in social media and that's okay, because that's reality. She is my favorite kind of woman. Real, honest, and equipped with a beautiful heart.
Yesterday was a long day. The kids woke up early and cranky, demanding chocolate cake for breakfast, crying because they had to settle for oatmeal, and then throwing sippy cups across the table at each other because one of them looked at the other one. The bickering continued as I attempted to brush my teeth and comb my hair…..Madden yelling at Knox and pushing him for putting a finger on his toy, Knox crying and assuming it’s the end of the world because Madden wouldn’t share his toy …… and so on it went for the rest of the day…..fighting, crying, whining, and repeat. Yesterday was a really long day.
Yesterday I questioned my role as teacher and provider for my kids. I wondered if I was doing something wrong as I watched a two year old count to 50 and sing his ABC’s and thought about my four year old who can only count to ten and thinks every letter is an A or a K. Yesterday I let my child eat dog food off the floor because frankly if he prefers that over the organic chicken nugget he was holding in the other hand he should have it.
Yesterday I lost my temper. Yesterday I hurt their feelings. Yesterday I felt overwhelmed. Yesterday I had a dirty house. Yesterday I was exhausted. Yesterday I felt less than myself. Yesterday I felt inadequate for this job. Do I teach them enough? Am I disciplining them the right way? Am I a good mom?
And scrolling through my Instagram feed at the end of yesterday only made the questions in my mind burn even more. There was that question again……. Am I a good mom? That’s the beauty (or ugly truth) of social media. Everyone can make anything look picture perfect. And it can make you wonder…. "Am I doing something wrong?” You can pick and choose the pictures and words to document a fairytale life. I am guilty of the same thing….I know I am. I get asked often, “How are you so perfect? How do you keep it together? ” Let me be the first to apologize to you if I have ever given you that impression……. I am not perfect……far from it actually. I will never have myself put together every day and I will never have this mom thing figured out.
Do not get me wrong, I love social media! I enjoy being able to connect with people; being able to support and love and learn from mamas and families in every corner of the world from right where I sit in my tiny little home. But it has also been a curse….each day seeing pictures in my feed of a perfectly clean and decorated home, and a perfectly put together family in perfectly put together outfits with their perfect face and their perfect hair. And again…. this is me too…. I will not deny it….But what you don’t see when scrolling through your social media feed are all the behind the scene images. You don’t see the tantrums on the floor, the toys all over the living room floor, and the dirty dishes in the sink. You dn’t see the images of yesterday, when I was tired and broken, praying for just the strength to make it through the day and asking forgiveness from God and my children, because yesterday…..I failed them.
I failed them……….
Yesterday was hard. But today was a new day. We had snuggles in the morning and butterfly pancakes for breakfast. We went outside and played in the sprinkler, fed the ducks, and chased lizards in the backyard. We came in and the boys played together quietly on the floor while I put on some makeup and drank a cup of coffee. We laughed, and we read, and we wrestled, and we played. I saw so much joy beam out of their faces, and as I tucked them in to bed Madden kissed me and told me I was the best mommy ever. And as I laid down for bed….still ignoring the pile of clothes needing to be folded….I felt the urge to go wake them both again…..to go cuddle them some more and to tell them how much I love being their mommy. Today was such a good day.
I say all of this to remind you that if you are feeling overwhelmed, exhausted, or less than…..KNOW that you are a good mom, a good wife, a good friend. You have not failed. Just because you lose your temper, have a never-ending, exhausting day or week, kids that throw tantrums at the slightest little thing, or find your breaking point….YOU are a GREAT MOM! The beauty of this life is that we get second chances over and over to make up for the yesterdays. Every day is a new day to be the better you. Do not feel inadequate and do not feel alone. Every mother who has ever lived has experienced these same moments and these same trials. Life is not a flawless Instagram feed. Those little white borders between each happy and perfect picture tells a much deeper story….the dirty, sad, and angry stuff that no one wants to post. Bad days happen, but they don’t last forever.
Being a mama is hard. Really freakin hard! But no one tells you how hard it is because they honestly don’t remember. Because the good days somehow trample and erase all the bad days. Hang in there Mama. Tomorrow is a new day.
Yesterday was not the end. And today I was a better mother."
XO, Brittany York